1. Slim Jims
Although I am absolutely certain they have no nutritional value whatsoever, they are a staple in our diet. What is in a Slim Jim? I haven’t the foggiest….and I think it may be best left that way. These salty, perfectly seasoned meat sticks always leave us with the desire to “Snap into (another) Slim Jim.”
2. Romie and Michelle’s High School Reunion
Seen it a million times, glad to watch it a million more! What’s not to love about girls who wear sixteen pound shoes while working out, dress like “the Madonna twins,” and think that Mono was the best diet ever? If you haven’t seen it, we recommend it! Mark my word, after watching you will feel compelled to reenact the dance sequence every single time you set foot on a dance floor.
3. Granny Panties
Though lace and frills are fun and sometimes fitting, nothing says comfort like a pair of saggy undies your grandmother would be proud to wear! We’re talking full cheek coverage, saggy seat, to the belly button panties. There is no better feeling that walking around knowing if faced with the situation, you could parachute to safety with your underwear.
4. The Beach
Anytime it’s hot, sunny and we get to wear very little clothing WE ARE HAPPY! The beach is for everyone. You can get a tan (unless you are Nicole and wear SPF 8,000), take a nap, play sports, go for a dip, build an elaborate house from sand , then stomp all over it like a child, bury your friends and just plain have a good time. Hey, you might even be fortunate enough to find a fish in your bathing suit bottom when you return to your room for a shower at the end of the day (not that it has EVER happened to either of us). Hands down, the beach is great!
5. John Hughes Movies
“No more yankie my wankie. The Donger need food.” -Long Duk Dong, Sixteen Candles
“So… so. Are you guys like boyfriend-girlfriend? Steady dates? Lovers? Come on, sporto, level with me. Do you slip her the hot beef injection?” -John Bender, The Breakfast Club
“We need more input. We gotta fill this thing up with data. We gotta make her as real as possible, Wyatt. I want her to live. I want her to breathe. I want her to aerobicize.” -Garry, Weird Science
“Life moves pretty fast. You don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” -Ferris Bueller, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
……need I say more?
6. 80s Music
Thanks to Pat Benatar, we know love is a battlefield. We appreciate Michael Jackson reminding us to take a look in the mirror. REO Speedwagon, don’t you worry, I AM going to keep on loving you! Madonna feeling like a virgin still gives me a chuckle. Queen and Bowie, no pressure, we think you guys are great! Journey, I’ll never stop believing! That isn’t even the tip of the iceberg. Music from the 80s is something to be appreciated, something to be preserved and something to enjoy as loud as possible while driving down the highway with the windows down. Nothing lifts you higher than a good jam and the 80s was full of them!
7. Being Naked
Whether you sleep naked, watch television naked or just get naked because it feels good, we fully support your urge to drop trou! Being naked feels good, and it just so happens we think its pretty funny too. It doesn’t matter if you have a saggy butt, a big belly or chicken legs, take our word and enjoy some time in the raw. You can thank us later. (seriously…..later……we don’t need to see you naked)
-A.
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